“How can I help you?”

Really, I’m asking you what service I can be. There’s no malice, no hidden agenda. Those five words aren’t a facade to throw you off track. I genuinely want to know of what help I can be. In lieu of this, please do not treat me as if you believe differently. Please do not misinterpret my eagerness to be of assistance as false or insincere simply because the reason you are even seeking my assistance is less than amiable.

Now that we have that out of the way, be so kind as to allow me to help you. I understand that you are upset, disappointed, confused, PISSED OFF, trust me I understand. If it’s any consolation, you are not the only person feeling this way. However, after you have explained the issue that you are having, shhh. Cease speaking. Be quiet. Zip it. Lock it. Throw away the key. You have explained your point of contention, so please allow me to do the job you ask of me, and permit me to speak. No, not just speak, please let me explain. I assure you the things we say and do here in the office aren’t arbitrary, and believe it or not, there is a method to our madness. Granted, it is madness most of the time. I am well-trained and well-versed in the ways of my workplace, so have confidence that the things I relate to you are correct and in good faith. On the flip side, I am human, just like you. I have feelings, thoughts, and I do make mistakes. Should any of these humanly characteristics interfere with the service I am providing you, let me apologize in advance because chances are you will not let me do so at that point in time. My ideal situation would be to have you come sit at my desk fuming, but by the end of our conversation, have us part ways with a mutual respect. I can understand if you don’t see that happening, but believe me when I say that keeping an open mind to that situation occurring will make it much more likely. 

I ask you to please not tell me that I can’t help you because I’m the same age as your son or daughter, therefore rendering me less intelligent and qualified to come to your assistance. Obviously, I have some degree of intelligence, otherwise your son or daughter wouldn’t have been persuaded to live here. By me.

Again, when I ask you that one simple question, that means I’m here, I’m qualified, I can, and I will be able to help you. 

Let’s try this again. “How can I help you?”